Applying Concepts from Ego Is The Enemy in Coaching

By Dylan Villalobos, Director of TheCoachingMindsetOrg

In sport and education, ego often presents itself as ambition, confidence, or leadership—yet beneath the surface, it can quietly restrict our capacity to learn, adapt, and serve others. Ryan Holiday’s Ego Is The Enemy (2016) offers a compelling philosophical lens for understanding this dynamic, but its ideas also align with long-standing principles in sports coaching, pedagogy, and psychology.

This article explores how the core concepts of Holiday’s work can be operationalised in coaching practice, supported by relevant academic theory.

1. The Illusion of “Knowing It All”

Holiday argues that ego convinces us we have arrived—that we already know enough. This notion parallels Schön’s (1983) concept of the reflective practitioner, which emphasises that professional growth depends on reflection-in-action and reflection-on-action. Coaches who fail to engage in reflective processes risk relying on habitual or intuitive practice rather than informed, evidence-based decision-making (Knowles et al., 2006).

Application:

After each session, critically reflect on:

• What assumptions shaped your coaching decisions?

• How did your players’ responses confirm or challenge your approach?

Reflection transforms experience into learning and disarms ego through curiosity.

2. Success Is Rented, Not Owned

Holiday suggests that “ego is the enemy of what you want and of what you have.” In coaching, success is often misinterpreted as validation of the self, when it is more accurately a shared product of environment, context, and collaboration. This aligns with transformational leadership theory, which underscores the importance of empowering others and fostering shared purpose (Bass & Riggio, 2006). Coaches who demonstrate humility and relational awareness cultivate psychologically safe environments where athletes and learners can thrive (Fransen et al., 2020).

Application:

Reframe success as a collective process. Publicly celebrate players, colleagues, and the learning journey itself. Privately, analyse the underlying systems, relationships, and behaviours that made success possible.

3. Replace Validation with Purpose

Ego seeks validation; purpose seeks impact. Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory (2000) provides a useful psychological framework here, proposing that intrinsic motivation arises when three basic needs are met: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. When coaches act primarily for external validation—status, recognition, or approval—they undermine these motivational needs, both for themselves and for their athletes.

Application:

Return to purpose by asking: Who benefits most from this decision—me, or my learners? Purpose-driven practice sustains motivation and models self-determination for others.

4. Control the Controllables (Including Yourself)

Holiday’s reflections on self-control echo Goleman’s (1995) model of emotional intelligence, which highlights self-awareness and self-regulation as essential leadership qualities. In high-performance settings, a coach’s emotional tone directly shapes the psychological environment (Thelwell et al., 2017). Ego seeks control; composure seeks clarity.

Application:

Before sessions, anticipate likely stressors—errors, conflict, unexpected challenges—and plan your responses. Athletes and learners develop composure not through instruction, but through observing it in their mentors.

5. The Cycle of Learn – Do – Reflect

Ego often disrupts the learning cycle. Kolb’s Experiential Learning Theory (1984) proposes that authentic learning occurs through a continuous process of experiencing, reflecting, conceptualising, and experimenting. When ego interrupts this process—by avoiding reflection or fearing failure—development stagnates.

Application:

Integrate structured reflection frameworks such as Gibbs’ Reflective Cycle (1988) or Brookfield’s (1995) four lenses of critical reflection. This approach ensures that coaching experiences are analysed through multiple perspectives, enabling consistent professional growth.

Final Thought

In both education and sport, humility is not a weakness—it is a form of wisdom. By detaching from ego and embracing evidence-informed reflection, coaches and educators can create environments grounded in curiosity, empathy, and purpose.

“The less we think of ourselves, the more we can give to others.” — Ryan Holiday (2016)

Which aspects of your coaching or teaching practice may be driven more by ego than evidence—and how might humility enhance your effectiveness?

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References

• Bass, B. M., & Riggio, R. E. (2006). Transformational Leadership (2nd ed.). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

• Brookfield, S. (1995). Becoming a Critically Reflective Teacher. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “What” and “Why” of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.

• Fransen, K., McEwan, D., & Sarkar, M. (2020). The Impact of Leadership on Team Resilience in Sport. Journal of Sports Sciences, 38(15), 1783–1793.

• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.

• Gibbs, G. (1988). Learning by Doing: A Guide to Teaching and Learning Methods. Oxford: Oxford Brookes University.

• Knowles, Z., Borrie, A., & Telfer, H. (2006). Towards the Reflective Sports Coach: Issues of Context, Education and Application. Ergonomics, 49(5–6), 567–584.

• Kolb, D. A. (1984). Experiential Learning: Experience as the Source of Learning and Development. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.

• Schön, D. A. (1983). The Reflective Practitioner: How Professionals Think in Action. New York: Basic Books.

• Thelwell, R. C., Lane, A. M., Weston, N. J., & Greenlees, I. A. (2017). Examining Relationships between Emotional Intelligence and Coaching Efficacy. International Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 15(3), 230–245.

• Holiday, R. (2016). Ego Is The Enemy. London: Profile Books.